tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post631831464037881337..comments2021-03-27T23:07:18.051-07:00Comments on LovelyKatieLumps: The Blame GameKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-89943299097916802012014-01-24T16:41:51.859-08:002014-01-24T16:41:51.859-08:00Yvonne, I think 'Fume Inwardly' could easi...Yvonne, I think 'Fume Inwardly' could easily be the name of a cancer blog. Also, what are the odds that someone recorded your stage play? I think that is unbelievably awesome. Thank you for connecting. I can totally relate. Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-43978634089649792002014-01-15T11:35:50.696-08:002014-01-15T11:35:50.696-08:00Thank you, Katie, for making me smile about a subj...Thank you, Katie, for making me smile about a subject that usually has me seething. I've been told that I attracted my cancer by thinking negative thoughts - this was from a complete stranger who had no clue as to how I think or what I think about. I've had two people stride over to me across crowded rooms with a messianic gleam in their eye, before launching into a fervent stream-of-consciousness sermon about how I must give up chemo etc and follow their cause immediately because they have the knowledge and power to aave me alone. Ive had a good friend tell me that she was worried the chemo hadn't worked for me because I was still overweight, surely I'd have lost weight if it was being effective? I smile beautifically, fume inwardly, and then I used it all as richly comical material in a stage play about my cancer last year. To watch the audience roar with laughter was sweet revenge indeed! Love your blog btw. Yvonne xYvonnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15846161876247142748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-14750583614546468752013-01-21T18:40:59.243-08:002013-01-21T18:40:59.243-08:00Hi Katherine and yes, I wouldn't be heart brok...Hi Katherine and yes, I wouldn't be heart broken if a doctor was able to pinpoint my cancer but knowing that will never happen, it can be overwhelming to constantly try to convince others that your cancer wasn't caused by their reasons.<br /><br />Thanks so much for connecting,<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-82889445851105190572013-01-21T18:38:13.889-08:002013-01-21T18:38:13.889-08:00Thanks Nancy. And yes, I agree, no one is out to h...Thanks Nancy. And yes, I agree, no one is out to hurt my feelings (and I have written a lot about that too)but it's important to speak/write about these kind of issues because I think issues like this start a dialogue and help open up the lines of communication.<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-1935968565443162782013-01-20T19:21:36.116-08:002013-01-20T19:21:36.116-08:00Most people, upon being diagnosed, cordon off thei...Most people, upon being diagnosed, cordon off their memories with yellow tape and start spraying mental Luminol everywhere. They sift through the evidence and pounce on any clue: “So, THAT’s what caused my cancer! It was Colonel Mustard in the library with the carcinogenic lead pipe! I knew it!<br />Hi Katie have you seen this video from Jenny Saldana: <br />http://ihatebreastcancer.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/stuff-people-say-to-people-with-metastatic-breast-cancer/<br />Very funny!!<br /><br />I think on a personal level I would love to have some proof cancer wasn't my fault. I know it wasn't...I'd just love to have some evidence....<br /><br />If only Jessica Fletcher worked in cancer research. “If you lived in Cabot Cove from 1984-1996, there was a pretty good chance that someone was going to murder your ass,” this writer observes. “With a body count of up to eight per episode, Cabot Cove experienced an outbreak of no less than 800 murders during the time that Jessica Fletcher lived there.”<br /><br />Most people, upon being diagnosed, cordon off their memories with yellow tape and start spraying mental Luminol everywhere. They sift through the evidence and pounce on any clue: “So, THAT’s what caused my cancer! It was Colonel Mustard in the library with the carcinogenic lead pipe! I knew it!<br />http://ihatebreastcancer.wordpress.com/2011/04/14/order-in-the-cancer-court/<br /><br />rock on<br />KOB<br /><br />Katherine OBrien<br />http://www.ihatebreastcancer.wordpress.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-39110404385665276272013-01-20T12:05:06.976-08:002013-01-20T12:05:06.976-08:00Excellent post, Katie. I know people generally mea...Excellent post, Katie. I know people generally mean well, but still... sometimes things said are pretty "out there" aren't they? Sometimes things just happen. We don't get only "as much as we can handle" and no more. Everything doesn't happen for a reason. And sometimes there isn't anyone or anything to blame. Thanks for speaking your mind on this.Nancy's Pointhttp://www.nancyspoint.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-69616908233978673392013-01-19T08:10:50.595-08:002013-01-19T08:10:50.595-08:00I literally laughed out loud. Thank you for some c...I literally laughed out loud. Thank you for some comic relief. <br /><br />I have to agree with you whole heartedly that it is up to us as cancer patients and survivors to search out what is healthy for us and acceptance is key.<br /><br />Thanks again for the hilarious reason for my cancer, I may use that in the future.<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-27524509426576013732013-01-19T07:37:54.028-08:002013-01-19T07:37:54.028-08:00Being a cardiac nurse and avid exerciser, I always...Being a cardiac nurse and avid exerciser, I always tell my friends "Go ahead and smoke and drink....I led this healthy life and here I am with a bald head."<br />No doubt, blaming is counterproductive and harmful and causes you to be unable to love yourself.<br /><br />The thing is, if the doctors can't tell me why I got it, then it's really up to me to find the answer in keeping it at bay (or at least being the best I can be for however long I have) That's where my search for "health" has taken me. <br /><br />In the end it all comes down to how you want to live....accept it and move on? Or question "the cause" for the rest of eternity. <br /><br />And when people ask "Why did you get cancer?" you can always say "The doctors think it was answering too many stupid questions."<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-35102275514468375672013-01-19T06:04:44.979-08:002013-01-19T06:04:44.979-08:00Hi Molly!
Thanks! Yes, in the beginning I think i...Hi Molly!<br /><br />Thanks! Yes, in the beginning I think it was natural for me to seek out the truth behind me cancer but after seeing medical professional after medical professional totally baffled by my file, I learned that it wasn't because I took the pill or ate bacon or used deodorant it's because sometimes life is a shit sandwich! <br /><br />Thank you for your wonderful comment. I am grateful for your 'me too' reply to my feelings.<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-14334511389939261642013-01-19T06:00:15.193-08:002013-01-19T06:00:15.193-08:00That means a lot coming from you. Thank you!
It i...That means a lot coming from you. Thank you!<br /><br />It is shocking how many people tell me the reason for my cancer. I don't walk around telling parents the reason their children are acting up because I don't have children, how would I know? It's maybe not a perfect comparison, but I think it holds some truth.<br /><br />Thanks again, <br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-77934333846919030522013-01-19T05:54:35.925-08:002013-01-19T05:54:35.925-08:00Thanks Nancebeth!
I don't get it because ther...Thanks Nancebeth!<br /><br />I don't get it because there are people who don't eat bacon who get cancer, there are people who don't eat sugar and they get cancer, etc. etc. etc. so why do we do this to each other? Is the bacon person therefore saying that if we stop feeding our children bacon that no one will ever get cancer? Or is only people who have no other reason for getting cancer (hormones, genetics, exposure to second hand smoke, etc.), are they the only ones who should avoid bacon?<br /><br />This kind of thing just drives me up the wall. <br /><br />Thank you so much for your honesty! Can't wait to check out your blog!<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-65107144990277291322013-01-19T05:50:20.493-08:002013-01-19T05:50:20.493-08:00JoAnn,
I love it! I hope hoping someone was going...JoAnn,<br /><br />I love it! I hope hoping someone was going to say that they used to eat a lot of soursop! Thank you for this. Again, I am not against alternative medicine but to come right out and call chemo a failure and soursop the cure is morally irresponsible.<br /><br />Thanks for taking the time for letting me know that someone tried soursop and still got cancer...<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-39496121844199121942013-01-18T22:24:32.534-08:002013-01-18T22:24:32.534-08:00Spot on, Katie! I have to admit that when I was fi...Spot on, Katie! I have to admit that when I was first diagnosed (at 32), I ran through the same exercise -- what did I do/eat/drink/rub against to cause this to happen to me?! I felt like it must somehow be my fault. I think finding a "reason" or a "cause" gives us some meaning to such a crappy situation. And the unfortunate truth (as pointed out by one of my friends upon hearing about my diagnosis) is that sometimes life is a shit sandwich. And there's really no "reason" -- but I love that you are giving it purpose by sharing your thoughts! <br />Molly Lindquisthttp://www.consano.orgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-75110017304146611412013-01-18T20:45:23.627-08:002013-01-18T20:45:23.627-08:00Excellent post, Katie. The worst thing you can do ...Excellent post, Katie. The worst thing you can do for anyone with cancer is to place blame. Listen, support, help - but please, no blame. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-35745802896362004342013-01-18T20:42:14.432-08:002013-01-18T20:42:14.432-08:00Okay, so I was told by a "friend" that e...Okay, so I was told by a "friend" that eating too much bacon is way I got cancer. Another "friend" told me it was sugar. Another "friend" told me she could cure my cancer with some herbal b.s. And after my mastectomy, a nurse checking my vitals at 4:00 a.m. told me I probably got cancer from eating a lot of grilled food.<br />Love your blog, check mine out at nancebeth.blogspot.comNancebethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00550619946021961034noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-85944821844089041272013-01-18T19:18:41.952-08:002013-01-18T19:18:41.952-08:00Katie,
I loved sour sop when I lived on Antigua ye...Katie,<br />I loved sour sop when I lived on Antigua years ago! Guess I didn't enjoy enough of it, hmm? That's the ticket! If only I would have known, I might have eaten more and avoided becoming a member of the BC club. If only it was that simple. Thanks for the great post!<br />JoAnnAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-87440163144466985652013-01-18T18:28:19.082-08:002013-01-18T18:28:19.082-08:00Thanks Beverly!Thanks Beverly!Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-91182087700582451362013-01-18T16:25:25.060-08:002013-01-18T16:25:25.060-08:00Thank you for once again striking a blow for ratio...Thank you for once again striking a blow for rationality. You are the best. :) Beverly Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13583916852802103533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-44534223546469250012013-01-18T14:15:30.529-08:002013-01-18T14:15:30.529-08:00Tom, you are so incredibly kind.
Thank you for t...Tom, you are so incredibly kind. <br /><br />Thank you for taking the time to write to me. This post has certainly generated a lot of dialogue and your comment was so refreshing.<br /><br />From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all that you do. Your ladies are very lucky to have you.<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-79684717997393809342013-01-18T14:10:57.896-08:002013-01-18T14:10:57.896-08:00Hate your guts? I loved your comment!
I certainly...Hate your guts? I loved your comment!<br /><br />I certainly don't think alternative medicine is wrong, I think I made that clear in my post. I admire your approach to your cancer but that's just it, it's your cancer and my cancer was my cancer so for me to tell you that you NEED chemo is not appropriate the same way I don't want to hear that my choice was wrong, because I made an informed decision and it was right for me. I loved when someone came to me and had a discussion about choices, approaches, and alternatives when it came to cancer. It is the preaching that drives me. It is the 'you know, I wouldn't get treatment if I had cancer, I would do yoga to rid myself of the tumour' - that pisses me off. <br /><br />I have a difficult time listening to someone preach about how they would deal with cancer if they were ever faced with it. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I feel as though it's comparable to me telling a friend how to raise her child. I don't have children, so I don't think it would be fair to tell her how I would mother my child because the truth is no matter how many books you read or people you talk to, unless you've experienced something, you just can't fully understand it. <br /><br />Something else that I didn't address was different forms of cancer too, there are different types, different locations, and different stages and to say that one thing will cure all cancers is irresponsible - like you said (and I love) 'managing cancer is a life change and not one thing will cure it.'<br /><br />I am always open to discussions, I just don't want to be preached to. I have put a lot of pressure on myself to do this cancer thing 'right' and as I move along in this 'journey' I learn more and more that there is no right way to do this and I think the same can be said for treatment - there is no right way, there is only the way that you choose. <br /><br />I want to make it clear that I am not against alternative medicine or approaches. It would be closed minded of me to say that chemo or surgery is the only (or correct) way but it was the right approach for me. <br /><br />Thanks again for reaching out and connecting,<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-72516880405885936692013-01-18T13:52:29.755-08:002013-01-18T13:52:29.755-08:00Thank you for this. When someone tells me 'You...Thank you for this. When someone tells me 'You know they have a cure for cancer, but there is too much greed in the world so they aren't releasing it' I want to ask them what good that does to both tell me that and think that way. I have no idea if that's true but they make it sound like I was dooped and that the pain that I felt/continue to feel is unnecessary. I kind of think it trivializes my experience to be honest with you. <br /><br />I am a full supporter of people trying alternative medicine - I certainly have done a lot of research on different approaches - but it's when people start telling me that my approach is wrong or how they would have dealt with it differently (having never had cancer, I feel as though it's somewhat easy to throw out opinions) that I get frustrated.<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-72349830843257547802013-01-18T13:47:09.248-08:002013-01-18T13:47:09.248-08:00Karen, I do feel better after writing it.
I quite...Karen, I do feel better after writing it.<br /><br />I quite honestly don't think people are trying to be cruel, I just don't want to be told how to be a cancer patient/survivor the same way I wouldn't tell a man how to be a man or a mother how to be a mother. I am neither a man nor a mother so I can't speak from experience. No one is trying to intentionally offend me (at least I hope not) but to say that eating fruit will cure cancer and calling chemo a failure is irresponsible. It's just not that cut and dry.<br /><br />Thanks for the message,<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-21432200574029177072013-01-18T13:44:29.439-08:002013-01-18T13:44:29.439-08:00My name is Tom and I drive for a local Breast Coal...My name is Tom and I drive for a local Breast Coalition here on Long Island. It has been my honor to meet such courageous women who are going through what you are. I know very little of what they have gone through medically, but they do confide in me with other things. We talk, we laugh, we cry. They are fighters. I love my job, and I wish it didn't have to be something that needed to be done. I call them "my ladies". They inspire me as you have in this piece. Keep kickin' cancer's ass Katie, you already know this is your battle and you will fight it your way. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13342284120682482057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-54803747822226151862013-01-18T13:43:45.130-08:002013-01-18T13:43:45.130-08:00Angie,
I wrote a post a few months back called Lo...Angie,<br /><br />I wrote a post a few months back called Lost in Translation (http://lovelykatielumps.blogspot.ca/2012/10/lost-in-translation.html) and I talked about the difference between what people said and what they meant. When someone told me about her aunt who died of breast cancer last year, it was difficult not to say 'Why are you telling me about another person who died from a disease that I have?' but I learned that they were trying to connect. What they were saying is 'I know how painful this must be for you because I have some experience with cancer.' I am grateful that I could see past the words and explore the meaning.<br /><br />And you're so right that people feel helpless. The best way I can explain it is to compare it to raising children. I don't have kids and so if a friend of mine was having trouble with one of her kids, it wouldn't be very helpful for me, some without kids, to go over and tell her what to do. Instead, I would ask her how I could help her and listen about her struggles. It's not my place to offer advice about something that a)I don't have experience with and b)have not been asked to. Does this make sense?<br /><br />Thanks for connecting, I really appreciate your comment.<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4847629116786128151.post-5403078673076055352013-01-18T13:31:44.619-08:002013-01-18T13:31:44.619-08:00Thanks AnneMarie. You are such an advocate - it...Thanks AnneMarie. You are such an advocate - it's admirable. I haven't stopped thinking about you and your mom since I found out. I am always just a click away...<br /><br />KatieKatiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18186936206241330007noreply@blogger.com